June...and other thoughts...

My goodness, where did the month of June go?!  It feels like just last weekend we were in New Hampshire at Storyland on the rainiest day of the year (of course, because that's how Mahir and I like to do vacations!!!!).  I'm not sure if I posted about that but we had a great time despite the rain and I can't wait to go back next year!  Mahir's mother arrived to meet Hannah and spend 9 weeks with us last Wednesday. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about my favorite times of the day.  I'm not sure why but that's just where my thoughts have been.  With Hannah, my favorite parts are around 5 AM when I feed her before going to work.  For those of you who are going to make Time magazine comments, please refrain!  It's a beautiful bonding time together and I'm going to miss it when she does stop getting up.  Then again after work, which is less relaxing, and then before bed, which is wonderful as she ends up falling asleep and Daddy then carries her off to bed.  Hannah's a pistol and keeps us on our toes and definitely keeps me laughing and smiling at her antics.  Last night at dinner she wiped her ketchup hands all over the wall.  Mahir cringed and I laughed and enjoyed it because I know I will miss it when she's older and not doing that.  Leyla is the complete opposite of her sister, hates messy hands, hates food in her lap, etc.  My favorite moments with Leyla are when she calls me at work in the morning and gives me a rundown of what's happened so far that day, when I see her at the train station getting a ticket from Joe and then waving to all the conductors, and when we get to sing songs before bed and the rare times we get to watch and sing with Pajanimals.  I'm not really sure where I'm going with this blog today except to let the girls know how much I love them and how much I love their differences and their similarities and how much they love each other.  I'm blessed beyond measure.

Soapbox...

So, I have to say I came across a blog that annoys me. The site has a Facebook page that also bothers me. I am not one to name names so I'm not going to tell you what blog it is, but I did notice at least one of my friends "likes" the page. In any case, I saw a status that said "Filling out a million camp forms is annoying, but not half as annoying as having a kid up your ass all summer...pass me that pen." Now, I'm going to go back to a status that I posted about a week or so ago that didn't draw wonderful responses because it appeared that I was thinking being a teacher was all roses, which I know for a fact isn't (please remember I am the daughter of a retired teacher) and that it was coming to the time of year that I really disliked all the facebook posts about my teacher friends having the summer off and being able to spend time with the kids and such, because I don't. Yes, I made the choice to work in a field other than a teacher that would give me an unbelievable amount of time off a year compared to what I have now and no, there's no possible way of being a stay at home Mom like I would like to (even a part time SAHM would be nice). In any case, that's not what I'm blogging about. I don't think my status was offending - it was just a statement that it was coming to a time of year that makes me sad because I don't get the opportunities to be with my girls as much as I'd like. But this particular status that I just pasted above was very offending to me. And the other blogs on that page that use profanities and yell at their kids and say that life isn't fair. Sure, life isn't fair, but you know what, life is so much better BECAUSE I am a parent and because of my girls. The individual on this blog that complains about her kids should live one day like all the people in the world who want children and wouldn't bitch and moan about all the annoying or bad moments of being a parent. I love my children…I want to spend time with my children…and it makes me absolutely crazy when I see parents writing nastiness about their children, how spending time with their children is such a chore, and how much of a pain they are. I am definitely not a perfect parent and yes, I have moments when I want to sit in the bathroom in peace, but in 10 years, in 15 years, I'm going to miss this. So, bring on the whining, crying, laughter, smiles, and every other thing that brings me joy and aggravation every day that being a mother to my girls does. I'm going to go home tonight, hug them, and thank God for the gift that their lives brings to my life.

First family vacation

Well we survived our first family vacation. No, we have never been anywhere with the girls. Yes, we went to Turkey with Leyla but she was so little (6 months old) and it was visiting family that I don't really consider that a family vacation. This past weekend, to celebrate my 32nd birthday, we went to Storyland! As with many of the trips I have taken with Mahir over the years, it was scheduled to rain (flashback to 2004 when we honeymooned on Nantucket in the remnants of a hurricane!), so we packed our raincoats, umbrellas, extra towels, and headed out! Amazingly we made it out of the house with a full car by 10:15 when I planned for 10:00 - not bad! We stopped at Fuddruckers on the way north in Reading and had a great time there watching the trapeze school and the water light show that happens in that Jordan's Furniture (never been there before). Then we headed north and made it to Storyland just before 3 PM. We then had an amazing 2 hours visiting Cinderella's Castle where Leyla hugged and hugged and hugged Cinderella and didn't want to let go. It was the most precious thing I've ever seen! Hannah, of course at her age, didn't want anything to do with Cinderella or sitting on her throne! Then we went on a bunch of rides (when I say "we" I mean Mahir and Leyla and a couple of them Hannah joined them). Apparently Mahir has his roller coaster/ride buddy in Leyla and I am guessing Hannah will be the same way since she couldn't get enough of the "shoe" ride where they go around and around and up and down! We fell victim to the tourist trap of buying the picture at the Bamboo Chutes of Mahir and Leyla's faces as they were headed down the flume. Priceless picture I have to tell you. Both that and the picture of Leyla with Cinderella will be posted to Facebook hopefully this week but you know me and posting pictures, so it could be next year! I'm glad we had Friday afternoon at the park because it truly made the fact that we got soaked during our 5 hours in the park the next day worth it. And the smiles on the girls faces despite being wet and cold was also worth it! I definitely learned a lot from this vacation and will do things different next time and do other things the same. The time wasn't perfect as I had planned but it definitely was more than I imagined! I can't wait to go back!

The things they get into...

First of all, I have to say that "baby proofing" has been done along the way for sure in our house.  Leyla was into next to NOTHING that Hannah has been into so covering the plugs wasn't needed in all rooms until Hannah came along and we have elastics around each set of cabinets in the kitchen that as of now Hannah can't take off...YET!  The two of them together can cause more than double the trouble!  Last week they hung out in the bathroom.  I thought they were "just" washing their hands, but then it was quiet for a little too long.  Next thing I know they are brushing their teeth with just water (obviously, not a big deal) and then using the toothbrushes to wash the decorative shells on the counter, and getting into the other items in the drawers (thermometer, pieces from the infant toothbrush that the main piece was thrown out months ago, etc.).  So, now that drawer is cleaned out and the items have been moved to other locations!  I'm done with people saying that I need to play hard ball and not let them get away with these things (so if you were going to say it, please refrain).  They were both put in a time out and the bathroom door was closed so I didn't ignore it but honestly, after the three minutes, I was done with that (or so I thought...you will see why in a minute).  As a working mother I don't want to waste my precious time at home with them by yelling at them or putting them in timeout for everything, so I am TRYING to pick my battles and also realize what are mountains and what are molehills and that was a molehill in my opinion.  Fast forward to last night...Daddy is in the bathroom and finds something sticking out of the overflow section of the sink.  It is a leaf.  He pulls out that and more leaves come with it.  Turns out Leyla decided to strip the bamboo plant in the bathroom of the leaves that were on top of it and stuff the pieces into the overflow section of the sink.  When asked why she did it, she said "because I did"...great...and again, I said to myself as I put her to bed after we gave her the not stripping plants and not putting things in those holes lecture, "it's a good thing you're cute and that some day I'm going to miss all of this chaos".  Also, during this time Hannah was selecting her clothes for today which included a pajama top, two pairs of pants, and a couple shirts...she's definitely one not to let out of my sight!  Next thing on my list WAS the zoo tomorrow, but just my luck it is supposed to POUR all day and unfortunately with the need to schedule events like this so that I'm off work and have the library pass (I refuse to pay top dollar when I can get a library pass) there is always the chance for rain.  So, tomorrow may be just a whatever day but I know that will be really nice too.  I love you Leyla!  I love you Hannah! 

I went shoe shopping at lunch!

Overnight it seems, Miss Hannah Banana has grown out of her size 3 sneakers.  Why don't I remember this occuring with Leyla?  What's even more strange in my mind is that there is not a size 4 shoe to be found in our house!  Did Leyla skip that size completely?!  I mean, I have a huge bag of size 5s, but no 4s.  So, I went shopping for shoes today at lunch.  I had a nice time but had to be good because there were so many cute shoes and I wanted to buy them all.  Instead I left with a pair of Abby Cadaby sneakers and a pair of cute gray and pink sandals I know she will look adorable in!  I can't wait for her to see them because on a daily basis she is so cute saying "shoes" when we tell her to go get her shoes and running to get whatever shoes she can find in the house, even if they are not hers!  And I got a really adorable pair of pink flip flops that I know Leyla will love to wear going for her swim lessons.  I'm not into buying something for Leyla every time I get something for Hannah, but I couldn't pass these up. 


On the topic of shoes, the other day Hannah was looking for Grampy.  Now, she has not been able (or willing most likely) to say "Grammy" or "Grampy" whereas those were two of Leyla's first words - although they were "Ree" (Grammy) and "Ricky" (Grampy).  In any case, Sunday I was doing laundry while Leyla was out at church with Grammy and Hannah goes over to Grampy's shoe drawer, picks out two shoes (different shoes - two right feet) and says "Bampy!" - so off we go to find "Bampy" and give him his "pair" of shoes!  Apparently she's quit not saying Grammy and Grampy's names and they are no "Bammy" and "Bampy"! 


When it comes to Hannah and shoes or clothes, she wouldn't care if she wore something too big, too small, or whatever I put on her.  Leyla on the other hand will flip out in less than .5 seconds if it's the SLIGHTEST bit too small, too big, too tight, too brown, too purple, too whatever!  Good luck to me when she gets older!  It's amazing how different two girls can be and yet how amazing they both are in their own special ways.  I love you Leyla!  I love you Hannah! 

Working Mom

Today is a feel bad for myself day.  I know that I am oh so lucky to have the girls with either my parents or Aunt Pat every day and they're not in a big daycare and they aren't lugged on the train into the city at a ridiculously painful hour, but I still wish things could be a little different.  Today I feel it more because last night Mahir decided he would ask me if I could work part time at my job which is a definite no but it made me think and wonder if I could do it.  And then it made me wish I could do it.  Sure, I would LOVE to be at home with the girls, teaching them, playing with them, loving them, but is that what is best for all of us?  Deep down in my heart I know that it is not.  I KNOW that they are getting the social skills they need, they are developing bonds with Grammy, Grampy, Nan, Aunt Pat, and so many others by being children of working parents but it still hurts.  And today is one of those days.  Hannah is starting to clearly say "Hi Momma" and "I love you" and I hear it over the phone in the mornings and YEARN to be there to hug and kiss both her and her big sister.  They light up my world and I wouldn't give up those morning conversations for anything.  I do wish that I could be home but the question remains whether I would appreciate it as much as I appreciate those times I do have with them.  I'd like to say yes, but I'm not sure.  So now, I'm going to do what Mom says and "snap out of it" and realize that I do the best for my children and I will cherish every second I can be with them and try to be the strong mother and woman I want to teach them to be. 

Much to be thankful for...

Do you ever have one of those days where you watch a disaster happening or read about all the tragedy that someone is facing and you can't stop watching it or reading about it? That happens with some of the blogs that I follow…one about an 18 month old that died of neuroblastoma while her mother was facing cancer herself…and the one about the amazing mother of three who lost her 31 year old husband when she was 6 months pregnant with their third child. My heart goes out to these women…these families…and it makes me feel so blessed. Is that wrong to feel blessed when you read of another's tragedy? Does that make me a bad person? I know I've blogged about this a little before but this time I'm going to tie it into something else I've been thinking about. I try so hard to look at the positive and try to look at all the little things and I think that I also have high expectations for myself and for the girls. There are days lately that I say to myself as I leave work, "today is going to be a good day with Leyla…I'm not going to get frustrated or angry with her…" and then when I get home she's stealing stuff from her sister or not answering my questions and I get frustrated. I know such is the life with a 3 year old and that all the good times outweigh the challenging times but it still makes me feel like an impatient person when I strive to be patient…until I'm in the moment and then I find it impossible. After reading today about the family that lost their father and husband I want to strive to live each day as if it were my last so that I never regret not doing something or saying something or being too hard on my girls and not living in the moment. Of course, it's just another thing for me to strive for that I may not get perfect but I will try. Today I also want to talk about the little things. I wish that I had more time to write down all the little things, that, as the saying goes, really are big things. And here's my list for what I can think of here and now:

• the way Leyla smiles at me and snuggles in occasionally (she is not the snuggler she used to be back when she was a baby so the very few times she does are BIG)
• the way Hannah pats you on the back and gives such amazing hugs
• the way when I go to put Hannah back to bed after feeding her in the morning she holds so tight to me even though she's fast asleep and doesn't want to let go as I lay her down (and I REALLY don't want to let go)
• the way Leyla looks sitting in her bed with books surrounding her always and the flashlight on reading each night before bed (she is so going to be me in that respect - I was always hiding books and reading under the covers or anywhere really!)
• the mornings that we are home that the girls end up snuggled in or playing in bed with us
• the way Leyla surrounds herself with her "guys" (Bear, New Bear, Pinkie the penguin, her two pillow pets, Dina, her doggie pillow, and the heart pillow) while watching TV so much so that she takes up half the couch!
• how vocal Hannah is these days saying such things as mama, daddy, baba (daddy in Turkish), sit, milk, love you, no, and of course Leyla!

I have much to be grateful and I know that most days I do the best I can but I also know I have room for improvement and so that is what I'm going to do, a little at a time, one day at a time, praying for patience every day!