Monday, December 31, 2012

2012

2012 was a good year and a bad year.  Any year I have with my girls is a good year for sure.  I am completely and utterly blessed to have an amazing family, but most especially two little girls that make me so happy every day. 

Leyla, you've had a great year - I know that it's been hard in some senses with the reality that you have some sensory processing issues, but I'm so glad I caught it early so that you can go to Occupational Therapy and that we can make some changes on how we deal with things to make it easier for you.  I can't believe you started preschool this year - I know how much you're enjoying being with Anthony and how much you are learning and how much fun you are having.  I was so proud of you watching you sing "Away in a Manger" at our Church Pageant and for being Mary in your school's Christmas Program.  Who would have thought 4 years ago as Michelle and I were holding you and Anthony that you would end up best friends and playing Mary and "Jofis" (Joseph) together.  I'm sad that Anthony is moving and that you won't be able to see each other as often after preschool but I know that you will remain such amazing friends.  You are completely obsessed with Cinderella and although your Daddy wishes everything weren't Cinderella, I know he enjoys watching your excitement, for example, last night when we put your new Cinderella comforter on your bed.  I can't wait to take you to Disney and the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique in 18 months (August 2014!).  You amaze me everyday and I'm so proud of you.  I love you Leyla.

Hannah, 20 miles of bad road as Grammy calls you...you are a pistol!  You're very outgoing and always into things.  Your vocabulary is insane for only a 25 month old - I remember going to see Dr. Tai for your 2 year appointment and she asked about words and if you were able to string things together and suddenly, before I could answer, you said "I don't want to do that" and Dr. Tai said "nevermind"!  You definitely let us know what you want and what you don't want.  You are always so bright eyed and smiley and obsessed with the color orange, Phil the monkey, Caillou (so is your sister), Angelina Ballerina, and Minnie/Mickey Mouse.  I may be judged for this part, but I don't care...you're still nursing...Grammy says we need to go "cold turkey" but I just don't see you as the type to do that - you'll stop when you're ready and I'm not ready to force you to stop...not doing anyone harm so why should I care?  Thanks for being my cuddlebug and keeping me on my toes.  I can't wait to see what you and your sister have in store for me over the years.  I love you Hannah. 

2012 was a hard year with being very part time caregiver for Nan.  I am amazed by the care Mom provided her, right up until the last moment on December 8th.  Nan had a rough 5 months starting in July when she went to the hospital, then home, then back to the hospital, then rehab, then home for about 3 weeks and then back to the hospital and rehab, returning home in early November.  Thanks to hospice we were able to keep her home with us until the end, although it still was extremely difficult on all of us and it's going to take awhile to get into our new normal.  I'm so grateful for the time that Nan had with Leyla and Hannah.  She was told by her doctor in December of 2008 that she had 3 months.  Well, she surpassed that by over 3.5 years and ended up having 5 more great-grandchildren!  Sure, she made me mad every time she laughed when Leyla did something she shouldn't have and got angry when the girls were on her couch just being kids, but I wouldn't change that time for the world.  I hope she's up in heaven telling Pa all about the two little girls that rock my world and who he would have loved so much, just like he loved me. 

2013...I pray you're an amazing year. 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Same old...and new normal...

If anything has happened over the last several days in my mind it's that I don't care what gets done, well, at least not as much as I did before.  The poor babies that were killed in Connecticut make me treasure my girls and my time with them and the rest of the family even more. 

I feel like my blog has a pattern - not being able to get done what I expect myself to get done and not being able to do these things because I'm a working Mom who doesn't get to spend much time at home.  I'm hoping that I don't remain so boring with the same complaints and thoughts.  It's been a rough couple of months with lots of things going on, some of which I will talk about and some I won't.  We've been blessed to have Mom and Dad, especially Mom, be the caregivers for the girls since the end of September.  All I will say is that it wasn't a choice I wanted to make but I also didn't have a choice.  On top of that, since July Nan had been in and out of rehab, hospital, and back home.  Her congestive heart failure made it hard to breathe which started the pattern one July evening where she went to the hospital...until she came home and went back and then went to rehab twice between July and the end of October when she came home.  The day after veteran's day she started on hospice care and went peacefully to be with Pa in heaven on Saturday morning, December 8th.  We were blessed to have her with us for 4 years after the doctor in Florida gave her 3 months back in December of 2008.  But are we really surprised with the very strong Russian woman that Nan was?  No.  And I pray that I am as blessed as she was, to have family care for her and be with her all the time, to have had 6 great-grandchildren and live with 2 of them to watch them grow.  As much as it pissed me off when it happened, I will remember Nan for laughing when the girls did something they weren't supposed to do, and taking them all (including Shadow the cat) on rides with her "wheels" (rolling walker). 

We are settling into a new normal at home and though it's not easy and the girls are definitely testing the waters, we are hoping for a nice Christmas this year.  For someone who had the majority of the shopping done before Thanksgiving and the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, I haven't done well past that.  Things still on my to-do list on 12/18 are: Christmas cards, decorating the tree, putting the stockings up, and LOTS OF WRAPPING, nevermind the things I wanted to do like make reindeer on canvas with the girls footprints and Christmas lights on canvas with the girls fingerprints!  But I'm going to take Nate Berkus' advice from his blog to heart and "make time for movie night by the glow of white tree lights, hot chocolate and laughter by the fire and the happy satisfaction of knowing no store line for holiday presents kept you from being present for those you love".  Thanks Nate for the reminder of what's really important even though I know it, it's still nice to be reminded.  (Quote courtesy of: http://www.nateberkus.com/tis-the-season/)