I love my girls more than life itself, but they are getting to the point that they are seriously challenging me on a daily basis. I want to be the perfect mother even though perfection really isn't as good as it looks AND each moment I strive to be the perfect mother I fail more and more miserably. I don't want to yell, but then Leyla lays on top of Hannah or whirls her around too fast and then makes Hannah cry...or Hannah takes something of Leyla's and then Leyla grabs it back from her and then Hannah hits Leyla and then Leyla hits Hannah...it is a vicious cycle and I just feel like I can't get out of it some days! The days I wish I were a stay at home mom become the I am so glad I'm not because I'd literally be yelling at them all day or then the thoughts are well if I were a stay at home mom maybe they wouldn't be like this and then I get all upset about not being a stay at home mom. Add on top of it that I'm still breastfeeding Hannah - yes, I am breastfeeding an almost 32 month old - go ahead and judge me...really, I dare you. But I have only been feeding her twice a day for the last year or so and I just gave up the before bed one last Monday. I'll give up the morning one soon, but that's my decision and mine alone. Is that the reason she's not potty training? I doubt it, but some people want to tell me that's the reason. I'm honestly kind of sick of other people telling me their opinions about how I should raise my children. I worked darn hard to get where I am with Leyla and Hannah and so I think I have the right to raise them the way I see fit. Anyway, I digress...Hannah's stubborn...STUBBORN! She knows how to use the potty...she chooses not to. That's the Wight in her and that's the Akarsu in her...double stubborness! She'll do it when she wants to, even if it is already 6 months after her sister was fully trained...
On another note, I'm pretty excited because next week is my staycation...an entire 9 days starting at 2:30 on Friday afternoon where I get to be with my girls...yes, even after all I described above I'm very excited about it. I'm not going to clean except while they're napping or hanging out with Daddy in the afternoon and I'm going to enjoy every single second...good or bad...because these moments are so few and far between...I will enjoy them...I'll enjoy them running around the kitchen with only their hoody towels on like they did last night after their bath calling themselves super heroes...and I'll enjoy the mess that they leave because looking at an empty of toys family room after they went to bed last night wasn't so fun...and maybe, just maybe, they'll learn something from me and I'll learn something from them along the way...I hope for me it's more patience.
I love you Leyla and Hannah...I love kissing you and covering you back up every morning before I go to work...I love you running to me at the train station or when I pick you up at daycare or when I get home from work or anywhere...I love sitting and watching Sophia with you or really anything at all as long as we're snuggling up together...I love that you call me on the phone and ask me to sing you a song and ready you a story before bed...and I wish I did that more...and I promise you that I will...because I know there will be a time where you won't want me to and I'll look back and wish that I did.
No comments:
Post a Comment