Much to be thankful for...

Do you ever have one of those days where you watch a disaster happening or read about all the tragedy that someone is facing and you can't stop watching it or reading about it? That happens with some of the blogs that I follow…one about an 18 month old that died of neuroblastoma while her mother was facing cancer herself…and the one about the amazing mother of three who lost her 31 year old husband when she was 6 months pregnant with their third child. My heart goes out to these women…these families…and it makes me feel so blessed. Is that wrong to feel blessed when you read of another's tragedy? Does that make me a bad person? I know I've blogged about this a little before but this time I'm going to tie it into something else I've been thinking about. I try so hard to look at the positive and try to look at all the little things and I think that I also have high expectations for myself and for the girls. There are days lately that I say to myself as I leave work, "today is going to be a good day with Leyla…I'm not going to get frustrated or angry with her…" and then when I get home she's stealing stuff from her sister or not answering my questions and I get frustrated. I know such is the life with a 3 year old and that all the good times outweigh the challenging times but it still makes me feel like an impatient person when I strive to be patient…until I'm in the moment and then I find it impossible. After reading today about the family that lost their father and husband I want to strive to live each day as if it were my last so that I never regret not doing something or saying something or being too hard on my girls and not living in the moment. Of course, it's just another thing for me to strive for that I may not get perfect but I will try. Today I also want to talk about the little things. I wish that I had more time to write down all the little things, that, as the saying goes, really are big things. And here's my list for what I can think of here and now:

• the way Leyla smiles at me and snuggles in occasionally (she is not the snuggler she used to be back when she was a baby so the very few times she does are BIG)
• the way Hannah pats you on the back and gives such amazing hugs
• the way when I go to put Hannah back to bed after feeding her in the morning she holds so tight to me even though she's fast asleep and doesn't want to let go as I lay her down (and I REALLY don't want to let go)
• the way Leyla looks sitting in her bed with books surrounding her always and the flashlight on reading each night before bed (she is so going to be me in that respect - I was always hiding books and reading under the covers or anywhere really!)
• the mornings that we are home that the girls end up snuggled in or playing in bed with us
• the way Leyla surrounds herself with her "guys" (Bear, New Bear, Pinkie the penguin, her two pillow pets, Dina, her doggie pillow, and the heart pillow) while watching TV so much so that she takes up half the couch!
• how vocal Hannah is these days saying such things as mama, daddy, baba (daddy in Turkish), sit, milk, love you, no, and of course Leyla!

I have much to be grateful and I know that most days I do the best I can but I also know I have room for improvement and so that is what I'm going to do, a little at a time, one day at a time, praying for patience every day!